The maid of honor just puked.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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