Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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