He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
