At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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