A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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