you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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