she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
