Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
