ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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