Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
