all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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