my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
