Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
