remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
