You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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