Christians are straight up FREAKS
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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