i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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