Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
