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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
