we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
