It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
