3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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