So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
