Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
