New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
