It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
