Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
