The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
only if we run a train.
done.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
