he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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