3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i have two assholes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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