so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
