My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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