I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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