can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You took a bar mat shot.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
