Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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