yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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