You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
