Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
