It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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