Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
