and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
