FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
