its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
