Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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