So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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