At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
