1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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