Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
