I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
