my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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